The Royal Gremlin Origins: A Brief History of the Pug

Long before they were licking your trousers and screaming at cereal boxes, pugs were literal royalty. We’re talking ancient China, 2,000+ years ago, where they lounged in silk cushions and were guarded by soldiers more seriously than some emperors.

These squishy companions were considered sacred. Sacred. Imagine the first pug, probably wheezing happily in a palace garden, being treated like a furry deity while probably eating a curtain tassel.

From China they sashayed to Europe, stealing the hearts of monarchs and becoming the official dog of Dutch royalty. Even Napoleon’s wife, Josephine, had a pug named Fortune. Fortune once bit a general. As one does.

Gremlin by the Numbers

Let’s break down the dimensions of mayhem.

  • Size: Small, compact, and built like a bread roll with legs

  • Height: 10–13 inches (aka ankle tripper height)

  • Weight: Ideally 6–8kg (but in reality, more if snacks exist)

  • Life Expectancy: 12–15 years of snorts, snores, and selective hearing

  • Energy Levels: Moderate with bursts of demonic sprint mode

Personality: Equal Parts Angel, Goblin, and Stand-Up Comedian

  • Temperament: Affectionate, clever, social... also dramatic, stubborn, and snack-motivated

  • Training: Will respond beautifully to positive reinforcement. Will also pretend to forget everything if bored.

  • Noise Levels: High. Expect snorting, wheezing, reverse sneezing, grumbling, and the occasional banshee wail when denied a treat

  • Chaos Rating: 9/10—peaks at bedtime zoomies and when left unsupervised near tissues

  • Intelligence: Street smart. Book dumb. Emotionally manipulative.

Owning a Pug – The Pros

  • Built-in comedy relief. Just watch them exist.

  • Cuddly, loyal companions who live for human company

  • Great with kids, other pets, and basically anyone who feeds them

  • Don’t need huge amounts of exercise—short walks and longer naps preferred

  • Surprisingly good judgment when it comes to vibes (will avoid drama unless they are the drama)

Owning a Pug – The Chaos Tax

  • Health challenges: BOAS, eye injuries, allergies, joint issues—they’re high maintenance loaves

  • Grooming needs: Wrinkles must be cleaned, or the gremlin becomes gooey

  • Can be extremely needy—like shadow-level clingy

  • Selective deafness when not bribed

  • Known for going full “possessed” during nail trims, baths, or when a leaf moves wrong

The Takeaway: A Pug Is Not a Dog… It’s a Lifestyle

They’re dramatic, loving, frustrating, hilarious, and utterly one-of-a-kind. Owning a pug means living with a four-legged flat-faced friend who will ruin your plans, steal your heart, and occasionally scream at a pigeon for reasons unknown.

They may have started out as palace pets, but now? They reign supreme on couches, laps, and the occasional cake plate.